I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
