Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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