Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
