Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
