So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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