So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i out mim tonsoeep
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