You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
