does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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