listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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