nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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