glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
