I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
