It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Please don't give away my fajitas
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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