We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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