I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
