Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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