Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
