Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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