Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
