I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
