Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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