I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize