Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
