True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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