you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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