Yo dont text me then not text me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
