mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My ATM looks so different sober.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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