dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
