Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
