K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize