umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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