Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
