hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
