It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
