Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
