i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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