Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
