I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
