some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
