Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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