so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
