I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
