I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
