WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
