Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
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