wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
