I bet he comes in French.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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