Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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