So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
