oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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