I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
