i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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