So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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