Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize