went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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