I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
