I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
