Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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