she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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