just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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