that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
