i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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