just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just puked most of my soul out..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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