If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
