Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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