Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
