just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
