I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
