I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
