There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
