Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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