he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
