so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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