I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
