I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
