drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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