how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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