I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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