I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
