Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
