Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
