how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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