people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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