my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
