Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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